30 lines to make you smile

2005-06-07T14:25:00.000-07:00

1. My husband and I divorced over religious differences.

He thought he was God and I didn't.

2. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

3. I work hard because millions on welfare depend on me!

4. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

5. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

6. Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.

7. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

8. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

9. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

10. I'm not a complete idiot. Some parts are missing.

11. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

12. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room

spinning medicine.

13. God must love stupid people; He made so many.

14. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

15. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

16. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

17. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!

18. Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when

I grew up.

19. Procrastinate Now!

20. I have a degree in liberal arts; do you want fries with that?

21. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

22. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance

23. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!

24. They call it PMS because "mad cow disease" was already taken.

25. He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.

26. A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three

thousand times the memory.

27. Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime

commitment for a pig.

28. The trouble with life is there's no background music.

29. The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.

30. I smile because I don't know what the heck is going on.

Party

2005-06-06T15:07:00.000-07:00

Big bash at my house on saturday, everyones invited BYOB (bring your on beer) some people arnt invted and ive got some big ass mo fo's working the door so dont try it you know who you are.

Scorched Earth

TAKEOVER

2005-06-06T14:58:00.000-07:00

THIS IS SCORCHED EARTH! I DOMINATE AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHH!

Rich people only, no chav's cheers!

30 lines to make you smile

Party

TAKEOVER